Gahhh, the dreaded self introduction!
I kid, I kid
I always find it awkward to introduce myself. Where do I begin? How should I end? How much should I tell?
If you'd ask me, there isn't much of anything that is interesting about myself. Then again, so would any self-deprecating man would say. So lets start with the basics.
My name is Dzul Haniff Bin Mahadzir. I'm 19 years old, I was born in Johor Bharu, and I am the first of my siblings.
I'm a bit of a cynic and a sarcastic, which might rub some people the wrong way. With this revelation I try to develop a more friendly, easy-going, straight-forward persona when I'm in front of other people, yet I feel it slowly kills me inside that I have to restrain myself from being myself just because I fear people won't understand me.
I used to be a recluse when I was younger. It was hard in the beginning for me to make friends. I could not quite understand the nuanced art of making friends. Perhaps because I was so awkward in trying to approach people that they just got weirded out by me I guess. So I started to fear people's opinion of me. I constantly feel judged when I'm in a large group of people and I always feel that people expect something out of me and I'm not delivering.
Though I'm all over that of course. I can make friends now,I think..... and when I figured out the trick how, I was quite underwhelmed. I stopped caring of what I think people think about me and I gained self respect. And when people see that you are comfortable with yourself, they are no longer intimidated to approach you and suddenly you'll find the right people. It is an organic process, I realized now that it can't be forced.
I'm quite passionate about Science, though it does not reflect my proficiency in it. I have this need to understand how the world works, like how do we see colours? Because the cones in our eyes assign different visual traits to light waves of different wave lengths. Thus, is it possible to deduce that due to our own separate consciousness and differing biological traits and circumstances, the red that I see might be different than red that you see? Yes it is, because we can't see the world from another person's perspective and thus such trivial things such as are we seeing the same red is up to debate. Perhaps my brain sees an apple being orange in colour, but due to years of reinforcement, I've been taught that an apple is red, and as such the colour i see on an apple is red, even though from your eyes it's actually orange.
I have this need to find the logical reasoning behind everything. Everything should have a cause and effect. Everything should have a method. The universe is like a machination of sorts and we are the gears that keeps it moving, with each gears influencing each other.
I also have a an appreciation for art. I believe in the need to manifest the personal ego, to realize our individualism. And the most elegant way is through art. I think it's because the manifestation is more subtle in art form like through a poem or a song or a painting. The message is not blatantly in-your-face, it is in the layers, and requires higher cognition and interpretative reasoning.
Now to lighten things down a notch, I enjoy a bit of cooking here and there, am not picky about the genre of music that I like and find that folding my clothes to be a therapeutic experience. Not ironing though, because ironing is a drag.
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